Anthony Garand

Square Support

I recently lost my Square reader so naturally I went to the Square website to figure out how to get a replacement. All you have to do is send them an email saying you need a new one and magically they mail you one.

I decided to have a little fun with it and sent them this.

“I regret to inform you of your card reader’s loss. We know it comes as striking news to you, your coworkers and loved ones. How tragic that black, and white card readers alike, must depart from my possession at such a young age. My deepest sympathies and affections are extended to you and your coworkers. I cannot begin to comprehend the grief and sorrow that you’ll experience within the next few days.

In this vocation, card readers, like mine, are put on the line to charge others, and to better the society in which we must live. This means any loss can be costly. I failed to protect your card reader, and together we will forever regret it.

I honored and revered your card reader – my assistant – in life; I wish to bequeath its memory in death. God bless you; may it remain with you and comfort you in your trials and loneliness.

I extend to you my deepest regrets and most sincere apologies.

• Anthony Garand”

Square, in there amazing selves quickly sent me the following.

“Dear Anthony,

I can not express to you the depth of my sorrow in hearing your recent tidings. I am wrought with grief, and restraining myself from outright sobbing in the middle of the office. I feel that this would further pain my co-workers who are already suffering greatly from the news.

While we will never be able to properly replace the departed, I have dispatched one of his compatriots, in the hopes that he (possibly she, or it) my attempt to assuage your own broken heart. This (okay, gender-less replacement) shall arrive quickly (ahem, a business week) to help you through.

My sincerest regards,

Sam T. Square Support​”

Awesome. This is what is so great about companies these days, they interact with their customers instead if being the generic corporate stereotype.

Thanks again Square! Love you guys!